Its life as we all know it...

When its a sarcastic comment...

Enough said tonight.

Due to the present economic climate...

the light at the end of the tunnel has been...

SWITCHED OFF

How true this is...

Now up to now my blogs have been light hearted as thats, well me. But now, this fine Friday evening watching David Attenborough and Jonathan Ross on TV, I am going to seriously go off on one.

Why you ask? Speed cameras, thats what. What are they for? Do they reduce accidents in so called blackspots. Well I've been doing some research this evening and actually using this Internet thing for something other than chatting and online gambling.

Statistics prove that they don't. Accidents still go up each year and so do the number of speed cameras and the number of motorists that get fined for doing, well not a f*g lot if we are being honest about it, is going up dramatically each year.

Now I know there are some maniacs out there who excessively speed and all the time as well. Well those people need to get caught, but are there any police around, thats a big fat NO.

So why oh why do the general public who 99% of the time are law abiding get screwed by a local Police Force and Council who, and lets be honest here, are only out to make some extra cash. It then takes me onto ask, where does the money raised by fines actually go. Well lets just say that the Chief Constable has a very nice house and enjoys his holidays with the wife. Now I'm not saying that he pockets the cash, but it makes you wonder doesn't it.

Now you are probably wondering why I am attacking the police here over speed cameras. Well after a pretty crap day at work, well actually the whole week, I return home to find a nice, polite letter form Dorset Police to say that I am being fined for doing 58 miles per hour in a 50 speed limit.

Let me tell you about the place that the mobile camera was sighted. Its on a dual carriageway, on the downward slope from a flyover. A Monday afternoon, in fact it was at 12:02 and let me say, I would describe as a quiet day on the roads.

8 miles over the speed limit!!! I don'know whether I was speeding, I don't have a recorder in my car that would tell me so I am at the mercy of the cops, and well gonna get points on my licence and a fine. Well that will mean cheaper presents for my nephew's birthday next month.

For anyone who has received a speeding ticket, well you will see that they are extremely threatening and basically tell you that you have no choice. And believe me that the threat of a court appearance, well scares anyone and there is no way that you can query it as they won't provide eveidence or enter into any correspondence.

Ok so you are guilty, thats it, no argument. I feel a campaign coming on. Watch this space boys and girls...

Oh one last thing, just so you know who isued these tickets, its the Chief Constable of the Dorset Police Force and the letter came from the Head of the Fixed Penalties Office. The campaign starts there I think.

All of the above are my opinions, you make up your own mind. Take care fellow bloggers, and join the campaign to get rid of speed cameras and actually make our roads safe.

Picture the scene, a load of men and women squashed on a, welnot so big dance floor. Add some Sugababes, a sprinkling of Madonna and that annoying Baywatch song, and you have a Saturday night in Bournemouth. Let me put this into context. The majority of the men are gay and a fair few of the women are lesbos although there are some hen party types out too.

Add that all together and you get what? Some seriously bad dancing thats what!!! Well ok thats a bit harsh, lets just say different kinds of dancing. It varies from those that stand on the edge, just swaying back and forth (that would be me as I'm watching them) to those that look like they are having some sort of fit.

But it all makes it very interesting to watch. And certainly brings a smile to my face as I am. Over to one side you have the pretty people, on the dance floor standing round in a circle, but really not moving that much. They don't have to, they look good. Although I do have this urge to throw a handbag amongst them. And then there are the not so pretty people, they do have to dance, it makes them interesting otherwise who would notice them. Hey I know that sounds bitchy, but I was in the right place for that.

But its great to watch.

So you are probably wondering why I wasn't amongst them shaking my stuff to that Leo Sayer remix thingy. Well its not a very big dance floor and I will end up knocking someone out if I'm not careful. I mean I'm not a bad dancer, have been told quite good in fact, but I like room. And after elbowing some girl in the chest once, I make sure that I have the room. Besides how can I watch if I'm too busy dancing.

Perhaps next time. There will probably be a new remix of an old classic, something by Barbara Streisand or Dolly Parton, but we'll love it and I'll end up joining those squashed onto that dancefloor.

I'm sure not the only one who enjoys a good laugh from time to time. Yes, you all shout. So what makes you laugh and what can you rely on to bring a smile to your face.

Well for me its a Carry On movie. And thats just what I'm watching as I'm writing this post. Its Carry on at your Convenience tonight. I mean, love them or hate them, they are certainly a British institution. Inuendos galore and despite most of them being certifcate PG, can be damn rude in places.

But thats there charm, well in my opinion anyway. All you need is a Sid James laugh, or just a flared nostril from Ken Williams, that does it for me.

You can't beat them, Sid James, Ken Williams, Joan Sims and Charles Hawtrey. The main stays of the films and kept things going for 29 decent movies. There are actually 30 in total, but number 30, Carry on Columbus, well lets just say it was a Carry On in name only. It didn't live up to the class of the others.

And what a variety there is, you go from a film about toilets (like tonight's), through, period carry ons, onto medical and one in the jungle of all places.

And if like me you have grown up with them, then you'll always like them. Late nights at Christmas or the odd Friday night, you'll find a Carry On to relax to after a hectic night out or too much turkey.

So what would be your favourite, Carry on Doctor, Abroad, Don't Lose Your Head, Emmanuelle. Hmmmm, perhaps not, not the best one they made.

For me its got to be Cruising. And no coments from anyone that knows me well. Abroad, At Your Convenience. I always go back to those, despite having seen them many times before.

I always will go back to them time after time, and they'll never get boring. Sad, I know, but always fun...